• Adeline

Letter for you Jacques -Michel

Mis à jour : 30 juil. 2020

It would only have taken a few years less for you and a few more years for me to be able to say I love you.

When we met, we excelled and shone, a bit like young lovers of 20 years old. Excitement and enthusiasm were the order of the day. We were paying for food which absolutely had to be organic and consistent for me, while for you, Jacques-Michel, it was good movies at the cinema, and back and forth to St Marguerite du Lac Masson which when we arrived there, made us cry of emotion. Each in turn, we just thought of each other.

Oh, my Jacques-Michel, I begged you to say to me ”tu” to me but strictly you repeat: no, no I cannot because when I met you, you were a Professor leading a class in an amphitheater of 350 students. We had to behave. Yes, we because I was a mature student as they say.

In fact, there was another simple detail. Well, dear Jacques-Michel you were in your sixties when I was just touching my thirties.

It would only have taken a few years less for you and a few more years for me to be able to say I love you.

This last sentence, many people have repeated it. Tirelessly. From the taxi driver, the restaurant owner and the teacher. All of them kept repeating, endlessly at each of our outings and endlessly: Is he your father? And I answer: what does it matter to you?

Even if these comments were numerous, whatever, I was in love.

But that love was expensive: they, taxi drivers, restaurateurs and teachers, turned their backs abruptly and strictly on me. Even my family from France and the parishioners of the various churches where I would like to integrate.

For the latter, in French, English and Spanish: always the same speech: Welcome, Adeline but arrange to come without Jacques-Michel, the next time.

I didn’t know all of this, telling myself that they had understood nothing.

It would only have taken a few years less for you and a few more years for me to be able to say I love you.

This story completely changed when we moved. Yes, it seemed like we were in love. It seemed so, but was it true?

Griffintown, rue Bassin in the middle of Montreal and major construction. Still, I told myself, I just need to sit on our balcony to see the University there where I teach in front of the 350 students. Slowly, gradually, I lost the urge. I can't think of quitting, I like teaching too much. Should we believe that my passion was not high enough to get past the difficulties?

It seemed like I was forcing myself to love him before he loved himself.

Yes, I had to accept being forced to be kissed every morning. Also, to be forced to kneel according to his wishes.

I spent my sleepless nights spoiling my good future, as everyone said to me, you seem so sad Adeline, "Would you have fallen in love with a selfish person? You have been throwing away your very promising life. " I did not know what to answer them by hoping and praying, for a gesture made with tenderness and without brutality but simply affectionately.

He had noticed my ability to write and made long speeches saying that I was wasting my time at the University in front of everyone. It was very humiliating to hear him say these words which seemed to me to be false. It gave extreme stomach pain. It also made me blush with uneasiness.

But I was so afraid, and panicky of being alone. But finally, I would no longer be alone with my gradual integration into the Emmaus Church and also my move to the Residence in Terrebonne.

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